Why Am I Myself?

Summary

This talk took place on Wednesday, July 23, 2014, in the Stillwater Meditation Hall at Upper Hamlet in Plum Village during the summer opening. The session was structured as a question-and-answer gathering with children, teenagers, and other participants, with an emphasis on asking questions that arise from the heart and can benefit the whole sangha. The speaker explained the etiquette of the session, including listening to the bell, breathing three times before speaking, and using translators when needed. The overall tone framed the gathering as a practice family in which individual questions could become collective teachings. A major early topic was the meaning of the brown robes worn by monks and nuns. The explanation connected the brown color to simplicity, humility, and voluntary poverty, especially in the Vietnamese context where brown was associated with poor farmers. The speaker described monastic life as intentionally frugal: monks and nuns avoid luxury, jewelry, cosmetics, fancy transportation, and other signs of wealth in order to live close to ordinary people and devote themselves fully to practice. Shaving the head was presented as another practical reminder of monastic identity and a clear message of celibacy and non-attachment to family life. The speaker emphasized that monastic discipline is not merely symbolic but supports mindfulness, precepts, and a life oriented away from sensual pleasures, fame, power, and money. A substantial portion of the talk addressed anger and how to handle it without causing harm. In response to a question about expressing anger toward friends, the speaker strongly advised against acting out anger through speech or behavior, explaining that such reactions damage both oneself and others. Instead, the practice is to return home to oneself through breathing, recognize the anger, and hold it tenderly with mindfulness, much like a mother holding a crying baby. This approach does not suppress anger; rather, it embraces it with the energy of mindfulness until it calms down. The speaker extended this practice to family life, suggesting that parents and children can help one another breathe and take care of anger together. As anger softens, compassion can arise naturally, allowing the practitioner to see the suffering in the other person and respond with understanding rather than punishment. The talk presented this as a practical art of peace that should be taught in schools and modeled by parents. Another theme was impermanence and the role of conditions in growth. In answering a child’s question about why a seed sometimes becomes a flower and sometimes does not, the speaker explained that growth depends on sufficient conditions such as rain, warmth, and the absence of destructive weather. This was expanded into a broader teaching that people are different because conditions differ, and that difference itself is valuable. The speaker used the example of lotus flowers and leaves to show that even within the same species, no two are exactly alike. The point was that individuality is natural and beautiful, and that sameness would be boring. The talk linked this to the phrase “vive la différence,” celebrating diversity and the uniqueness of each person. The speaker also reflected on Plum Village itself as a collective creation rather than the work of one person. The village exists because many people want a place to practice sitting meditation, walking meditation, tea meditation, and Dharma talks together, and to build brotherhood and sisterhood in a peaceful atmosphere. The speaker noted that Plum Village is impermanent and may not exist forever, but its spirit can be recreated elsewhere if enough people collaborate. This led into a broader encouragement for listeners to imagine building similar communities in their own countries, always recognizing that such places arise from collective aspiration and shared practice rather than individual ambition. A long section focused on teenagers, self-harm, loneliness, self-hatred, and the need for self-care. The speaker argued that these struggles are not only personal but also reflect family and school environments. Parents and teachers who do not know how to love and care for themselves often pass suffering on to children. The answer proposed that young people can still begin healing by learning to protect and treasure their bodies, which were described as masterpieces of the cosmos and continuations of their ancestors. The speaker emphasized the five mindfulness trainings as concrete tools for self-protection, healing, and ethical living. The talk also introduced the idea of taking refuge in the sangha and in a trusted “second body” or “second mind,” a supportive person or community member who can offer guidance and protection during difficult times. Young people were encouraged to form practice groups, support one another, and help create a healthier environment in schools and families. The discussion then turned to competition, pressure, and the search for meaningful success. In response to a question about school competition and self-comparison, the speaker challenged the assumption that being the best, smartest, or fastest is the most important goal. Fame, power, and money were described as poor substitutes for peace, contentment, and the ability to help others suffer less. The speaker urged each person to ask what they truly want from life and to recognize that happiness depends on right view, mindfulness, and concentration rather than external achievement. The teaching stressed that one can be fulfilled in the present moment through mindful walking, studying, writing, and speaking, without constantly running after status. The talk also explored self-love and confidence. Self-love was defined as learning how to care for the body, calm painful emotions, and eat and drink with moderation and awareness. Confidence was linked to recognizing one’s ancestors, both blood ancestors and spiritual ancestors, including the Buddha. Because the strengths and accomplishments of ancestors continue in each person, confidence can arise from seeing oneself as their continuation. This perspective was used to encourage trust in one’s capacity to practice and to do good in the world. Silence was another major topic. The speaker distinguished between outer silence and the inner chatter of thinking, arguing that both talking and thinking can distract people from life. Silence in Plum Village was described as a nourishing, non-oppressive practice that allows people to appreciate food, chanting, walking, and the presence of others. Eating silently, for example, was presented as a way to receive the gifts of Mother Earth and Father Sun with gratitude. Silence was not framed as emptiness but as a condition for peace, joy, and deep contact with life. Finally, the talk addressed illness and cancer through a story of a nun in Hanoi who was diagnosed with metastatic cancer and expected to die within months, yet later recovered and lived many more years. The speaker used this story to show that a peaceful and relaxed way of living can support healing, and that even cancer can become a bell of mindfulness that helps a person treasure life more deeply. The overall message was that suffering, when met with mindfulness, can become a path to understanding, compassion, and transformation for individuals, families, schools, and communities.