How Can I Control my Temper?

Summary

The transcript captures a question-and-answer session held on August 16, 2007, at Stonehill College. The discussion centers on Zen and Buddhist approaches to handling difficult emotions, especially anger and fear, through mindful awareness and breathing. The session opens with a brief exchange about the importance of a bell and the practice of listening to it before asking a question. The response frames the exchange in a Zen style, where a question may be answered with another question. This sets the tone for the conversation, which emphasizes direct experience, presence, and contemplative practice rather than abstract explanation. A major theme is what to do when feeling angry or scared. The speaker explains that when anger or fear arises, the first step is to return to the breath. Instead of thinking or looking outward, the person should bring full attention to breathing in and out. Deep breathing is presented as a reliable method for calming the body and mind. The speaker stresses that this practice consistently helps, describing it as something that always works when applied with awareness. To make the idea more accessible, the speaker uses a bodily analogy. Just as a hot bottle can soothe a stomach upset and bring relief within minutes, mindful breathing can soothe emotional distress. The comparison suggests that anger and fear are not problems to be fought against, but conditions that can be cared for gently and effectively. By “embracing” these emotions with the energy of mindful breathing, a person can experience relief rather than escalation. The second major topic is how to control temper. The speaker challenges the assumption that control is the best approach. Instead, the speaker argues that trying to control temper can create an internal struggle, a fight between the person and the emotion. Rather than suppressing or battling anger, the better approach is to be with it and take care of it. This reflects a broader Buddhist and Zen principle of nonviolence toward one’s own mind. The speaker gives a practical example of this method in the form of a mindfulness phrase: “Breathing in, I know I am angry. Breathing out, I recognize my anger.” This language illustrates the practice of acknowledging emotion clearly and calmly. The goal is not to deny anger or fear, but to recognize their presence and respond with care. The speaker compares this attitude to an older sibling caring for a younger brother or sister, highlighting gentleness, responsibility, and protection rather than conflict. Throughout the exchange, the speaker emphasizes that in Buddhist meditation there is no fighting. The method is one of recognizing, embracing, and helping. This approach presents emotional life as something to be met with compassion and awareness. The overall message is that mindfulness and breathing are practical tools for transforming difficult emotions into opportunities for calm and care. In summary, the transcript presents a concise teaching on Zen and Buddhist mindfulness at Stonehill College. It explains that anger, fear, and temper should not be controlled through force, but met with mindful breathing, recognition, and compassionate attention. The speaker’s examples and phrasing reinforce a central conclusion: emotional suffering can be eased by returning to the breath and caring for one’s feelings with patience rather than resistance.