The Practice of True Presence

Summary

This talk presents a teaching on the “mind of love,” explaining the Buddhist term bodhicitta as the mind of awakening, with bodhi meaning enlightenment or waking up and citta meaning mind, sometimes translated as heart. The speaker emphasizes that mind and heart are deeply connected, and that true love must arise from understanding. Love is framed not as sentiment alone, but as a practice grounded in awareness, comprehension, and the ability to recognize and care for suffering. A central theme is that awakening means waking up to both the beauty and the suffering of the world. The speaker argues that many people fail to truly enjoy the world’s beauty because they are not sufficiently present. To understand others, one must first understand one’s own suffering. Only then can one help another person suffer less. In this view, love begins with being there for oneself: knowing what is happening in one’s body, feelings, and perceptions, and taking care of one’s own joy and suffering. From that foundation, one can offer genuine presence to another person. The talk then develops a practical definition of love used in Plum Village: to love means to be there. Presence is described as the most precious gift one can offer to a beloved person, more valuable than money or material gifts. The speaker explains that mindful breathing and mindful walking help a person return to the here and now, restoring freshness and beauty that are often lost in daily life. This freshness is not cosmetic but comes from releasing tension and becoming fully present. A person who is fresh and beautiful has something real to offer in a relationship. The speaker identifies four qualities that make presence valuable: freshness and beauty, stability and solidity, peace and serenity, and freedom. Stability is presented as the capacity to be reliable and grounded, so that others can count on one’s presence. Peace is described as essential because anger, fear, and violence prevent clear seeing and make true love impossible. The talk stresses that peace in the world depends on peace within oneself. Through mindful sitting, mindful walking, and mindful breathing, one can recognize and calm difficult emotions and cultivate inner peace. Freedom is the fourth quality. The speaker notes that many people speak about freedom in society but lack freedom inside because they are burdened by worries, fear, anger, and projects. Inner freedom creates space in the heart and allows a person to walk, sit, eat, and live with ease. Cultivating these four elements through mindfulness improves the quality of one’s presence and makes one a better lover. The speaker repeatedly asks whether one’s love contains these qualities and suggests that daily practice can help them grow throughout the day, not only during formal meditation. The talk also introduces three Plum Village mantras as practical expressions of love. The first is, “Darling, I am here for you,” which means offering full presence. The second is, “Darling, I know you are there and I am so happy,” which recognizes the beloved’s presence as precious and brings happiness through mindfulness. The speaker gives everyday examples, such as being in a car or sending an email, to show that these mantras can be used in ordinary life and do not need to be spoken in Sanskrit or Tibetan; any language, including Italian, is sufficient. The third mantra is, “Darling, I know you suffer. That is why I am there for you.” This leads into the practice of deep listening, also called compassionate listening. The speaker explains that when someone suffers, the first response should not be to offer solutions, but to be present and listen deeply to understand the roots of suffering. Compassionate listening helps the other person suffer less simply through attentive, understanding presence. The talk concludes by reinforcing that true love is inseparable from mindfulness, presence, and compassionate understanding, and that these practices are the foundation for happiness and healing in relationships.