…therapist who's been on my Radical Self-Care show. Yeah. Yeah. It's a very impressive crew of people. Yeah, very impressive. And Ray Mate, the mom, is an artist who illustrates children's books. Wow. And really likes drawing, painting frogs. Well, don't we…

…I was working too hard. I was driving myself too hard. I was not kind to my wife. And she said to me, her name is Ray. And she said, buddy, you've written a book called When the Body Says No. Now you better write one called When the Wife Says No.…

…I was working too hard. I was driving myself too hard. I was not kind to my wife. And she said to me, her name is Ray. And she said, buddy, you've written a book called When the Body Says No. Now you better write one called When the Wife Says No.…

…help people understand themselves and understand their behaviors. Let me tell you a story about myself too. I've been married to my wife, Ray, now for 39 years, next month. So let's say one night, 10 years ago, I say to Ray, you know, I indicate that…

…too. I've been married to my wife, Ray, now for 39 years, next month. So let's say one night, 10 years ago, I say to Ray, you know, I indicate that I'd like to have intimate physical contact. Sex. And she says no. And I know that's hard to believe…

…son and your sister, your daughter, who I saw interviewing you just the other day. They poured all of that love into you. Sister Ray, is that your name? I think your beloved wife's name. Poured all of that love into you to make Brother Gabor, in the…

…tell you something personally This morning, it's 11 o'clock here in Vancouver, British Columbia. I just had a huge fight with my wife, Ray. We've been married 55 years and we've had our struggles and our joys and she'd said something and I got so upset…

…Thank you. Which I've always thought of as what Hitler's passive-aggressive Jewish wet nurse would have said. But anyway. No, no, Ray. Daniel, don't go there. Just listen, okay? Anyway, I'm the child of a survivor of the Holocaust. My father's entire family…

…plenty of examples, and I've talked about them publicly, where my current reaction to some event, some exchange between my wife Ray and I, triggers old pains. And I'm not only experiencing what's going on right now, I'm also re-experiencing something that…

…that's welcome. And then, at the next opportunity, if you feel like it, talk to somebody. Talk to Sataram, talk to me, talk to Ray if she's in the room for the workshop, Ray being my wife again. Talk to Maurizio, Zaya if they're here, or anybody you…

…you feel like it, talk to somebody. Talk to Sataram, talk to me, talk to Ray if she's in the room for the workshop, Ray being my wife again. Talk to Maurizio, Zaya if they're here, or anybody you want, one of your friends, but just talk to somebody.…

…just blended in with the environment in an unassuming manner. And this is supposed to be a good thing. Now, my wife's name is Ray, and she's an artist. And it's one of her paintings that provided the detail here on the cover and the color scheme for…

…that provided the detail here on the cover and the color scheme for the cover for this book. And sometimes I say to Ray, we've been married 42 years, why can't you blend in with the environment in an unassuming manner? But Ray has done her psychological…

…sometimes I say to Ray, we've been married 42 years, why can't you blend in with the environment in an unassuming manner? But Ray has done her psychological work and she's read my book and she's also seen the studies. You know, there was a study just…

…in a new relationship and plans to start a business. Returning from the last group session, Dr. Mate talks to his wife, Ray, about his experience with the medicine. It was really the most amazing completion of this process with that group. I had this…

…a month ago from some nice woman soliciting for the Jewish National Fund. I didn't pick up the phone. My wife read it and Ray said, look, you don't want to talk to him because he'll give you an earful because the Jewish National Fund buys land in…

…and rage never arising and sadness or gloominess never arising. It's a matter of how you relate to it when it does arise. Hi, Ray. Hi, Ray. Hi, Ray. Good to see you. Did you all watch The Wire? Anyone watch The Wire? That TV series? That TV series?…

…never arising and sadness or gloominess never arising. It's a matter of how you relate to it when it does arise. Hi, Ray. Hi, Ray. Hi, Ray. Good to see you. Did you all watch The Wire? Anyone watch The Wire? That TV series? That TV series? There was…

…and sadness or gloominess never arising. It's a matter of how you relate to it when it does arise. Hi, Ray. Hi, Ray. Hi, Ray. Good to see you. Did you all watch The Wire? Anyone watch The Wire? That TV series? That TV series? There was a famous…

…should probably put a sign on my door saying, I don't do surrender. You don't. I don't got a clue about surrender. I mean, Ray could tell you about it, but I can't. I was speaking to a very famous actress yesterday, Ashley Judd. I was interviewing her…

…there's no big spiritual realization with it. Ray's had experience of surrender. Maybe she could tell you about it. She wants to. Ray, I find... at moments of the greatest pain, that's when I really had breakthroughs around what it is to surrender. I'll…

…to page, it would be 14 and 15, which is the start of chapter one. And you'll see this beautiful painting. by Gabor's wife, Ray, of 50 years. And I couldn't stop looking at this painting when I was reading the book, when I started the book. And it's…

…at me when I was somewhat older, 11 months old, said that he'd never seen such fear in the eyes of anybody before. So Ray captures that terror in my face and in my eyes that is very evident in the photograph. It's a beautiful photograph. And it walks…

…I talk about an incident of me arriving from a speaking trip in the States back to Canada and to Vancouver. And my wife, Ray, this is like when I was young and stupid seven years ago. And my wife said... That's the one thing I love about you.…

…no one's perfect. Well, not only did I, I still am. So it's an ongoing thing. So I arrived back from the speaking trip, and Ray, my wife, who's an artist, said that she'd pick me up at the airport. And I'm feeling really good. It was a good speaking…

…given to a stranger as a- She doesn't want you. She doesn't want me. And I'm being abandoned. That implicit memory of that, then Ray doesn't show up at the airport. And clearly I hadn't worked out the wound by then yet. Oh boy, I'm being abandoned. And…

…given to me as a gift by the people of Haida Gwaii. And I'll tell you why. In the museum here in Glasgow, my wife Ray and I, who incidentally will be joining me on stage later this afternoon to tell you what's really going on. When Ray and I visited…

…wife Ray and I, who incidentally will be joining me on stage later this afternoon to tell you what's really going on. When Ray and I visited the museum here, we saw a beautiful totem pole from Haida Gwaii, which are islands in northern British Columbia.…

…by the way, let me just riff a bit here on Hungarian doctors, okay? I was born in Hungary. Three days ago in London, Ray, my wife, and I saw a play called Dr. Semmelweis starring this great actor, Mark Rylance, who we had the pleasure of meeting…

…when there'd be a storm that would arrive all of a sudden because of the unresolved traumas and reactivity of both my wife, Ray, and I. And then the floor, which is the emotional safety that children need, would disappear from beneath their feet. Now, we…

…I was working too hard. I was driving myself too hard. I was not kind to my wife. And she said to me, her name is Ray. And she said, buddy, you've written a book called When the Body Says No. Now you better write one called When the Wife Says No.…

…help people understand themselves and understand their behaviors. Let me tell you a story about myself too. I've been married to my wife, Ray, now for 39 years, next month. So let's say one night, 10 years ago, I say to Ray, you know, I indicate that…

…too. I've been married to my wife, Ray, now for 39 years, next month. So let's say one night, 10 years ago, I say to Ray, you know, I indicate that I'd like to have intimate physical contact. Sex. And she says no. And I know that's hard to believe…

…beliefs, reclaim our forgotten innocence, and learn to accept and love ourselves for who we are. Ladies and gentlemen, Gabor Mate. Thanks, Ray and Helen. It's nice to be back here at Empower Health. Well, I don't have to tell you that rates of obesity…

…I know exactly who I am. I'm 71 years old. I'm a medical doctor. I'm a writer. I'm a speaker. I'm married to my wife, Ray. This is a therapist, so I'm not hallucinating. I know exactly who I am, but at the same time, I'm experiencing myself as a…

…in with a personal story, okay? And I want you to tell me what's happening, okay? For me, okay? I've been married to Ray, my wife, for 52 years. And I can experience her voice as loving and inviting and present and nurturing. But sometimes I experience…

…instead of this hyperactive jumping on that my mind always does. I was just there. And I was full of insight and love. And Ray, my wife, said to me, you look stoned. So I did go see a psychiatrist. I was properly diagnosed, and it really didn't work…

…most important spiritual developmental arena for me has been my marriage. Mm-hmm. And you said a second ago about, you know, your wife, Ray, joked that you should write a book when the wife says no. You are so in demand, probably more than ever at the…

…psychedelics now for... 15 years now. I mean, in the 60s as a student, I did dabble with LSD and all this. I think actually Ray said in the interview that on your first date, you showed up on acid. Yeah, the first time I dated my wife. But actually…

…that I couldn't be any fun without acid, that I wouldn't be acceptable, interesting enough to a woman. So the first time I dated Ray, my wife, I took acid. But she said you were very funny on it. She thought I was the funniest, most fun guy in…

…just blended in with the environment in an unassuming manner. And this is supposed to be a good thing. Now, my wife's name is Ray, and she's an artist. And it's one of her paintings that provided the detail here on the cover and the color scheme for…

…that provided the detail here on the cover and the color scheme for the cover for this book. And sometimes I say to Ray, we've been married 42 years, why can't you blend in with the environment in an unassuming matter? But Ray has done her psychological…

…sometimes I say to Ray, we've been married 42 years, why can't you blend in with the environment in an unassuming matter? But Ray has done her psychological work and she's read my book and she's also seen the studies. You know, there was a study just…

…or something else along those lines. She had no ego. She just blended in with the environment in an unassuming manner. Now, my wife, Ray, I think is in the audience, and we remarried 50 years this year. And believe me, there have been many times when I…

…have my wife's permission to tell this story. I'm going to tell you something incredible. Going back, say, 20 years ago, my wife's name is Ray, and let's say I would ask her to sleep with me one night, and she'd say no. And I know that for many of…

…those lines. She had no ego. She just blended in with the environment in an unassuming manner. Now, I'm married to my wife, Ray, for 49 years almost now. And many times I wish that she would blend in with the environment in an unassuming manner. As…

…is, you know, I'm in my marriage. The best thing in my marriage is the way we play together. The first time I dated my wife, Ray, I knocked on the parents' door and I said, can Ray come out and play? And we've been doing it ever since. And so... I…

…is the way we play together. The first time I dated my wife, Ray, I knocked on the parents' door and I said, can Ray come out and play? And we've been doing it ever since. And so... I believe what's being described in that last regret is people…

…we have to keep buying more and more. It's been newer and newer. I remember being in San Francisco once with my wife, Ray, and walking down the street and there was this several layered lineup around the block. People lined up around the block, four…

…she comes in and tries to bring me on board. So what if I communicated? What if I said to her, look, my wife's name is Ray. When you didn't pick me up at the airport, I had this deep sense of abandonment. Then she might say, oh, I'm so sorry, but…

…past-based reactions to the other. We can be present with each other. And that makes all the difference in the world. So when Ray, my wife, says something that even might be difficult for me to hear... I'm not reacting like a triggered child anymore, or…

…parents are carrying from their own childhood can show up when we have children. The relationship between the parents. And my wife, Ray, who is in the audience here, and who is... I always have to acknowledge that literally my work would not exist without…

…they don't know it, that they got disconnected from. If you want to see the wholeness, and by the way, Vivian and I and Ray and I just participated in this four-day retreat at Zen Rocks three hours from here, and you could see that people were like…

…bring up a very childish response. I can tell you a story. We've met 43 years now. So let's say in the past 15 years ago, Ray, my wife, says no one night when I try to make a physical advance. And she says, no, not tonight. which I know for many…

…would be wonderful. And if you can maybe just say your name. By the way, can I just ask, I came here early. My wife, Ray, was still at the hotel. Ray, are you here? Are you here? Can you stand up for a minute and say hello to everybody? Anything…

…you can maybe just say your name. By the way, can I just ask, I came here early. My wife, Ray, was still at the hotel. Ray, are you here? Are you here? Can you stand up for a minute and say hello to everybody? Anything you want to correct or change…

…of time. We're just about out of time. Gabor, I want to thank you for finally saying yes to my invitation. Thank you. Finally. And Ray and Gabor, just a deep bow to your work in the world and what it means to be honest and vulnerable and kind of…

…in the context of guiding others. I don't lead the ceremonies. I'm not a shaman, but I do lead the processing. But my wife, Ray, who's in the room with me, is never all that impressed with how I come back from these experiences. What did she say?…

…Of course you're being honest. And I would have said the same thing about myself. You know, but as a matter of fact, my wife, Ray, who you met only four years ago, five years ago, said to me, buddy, you've written a book called When the Body Says No.…

…just blended in with the environment in an unassuming manner. And this is supposed to be a good thing. Now, my wife's name is Ray, and she's an artist. And it's one of her paintings that provided the detail here on the cover and the color scheme for…

…paintings that provided the detail here on the cover and the color scheme for the cover for this book. And sometimes I say to Ray, you know, we've been married 42 years, I go, why can't you blend in with the environment in an unassuming manner? But Ray…

…to Ray, you know, we've been married 42 years, I go, why can't you blend in with the environment in an unassuming manner? But Ray has done her psychological work and she's read my book and she's also seen the studies. You know, there was a study just…

…what I got to say. Thank you so much. And I think your message to yourself around good self-stewardship, turning your attention to Ray, whom I hope you'll give my love. I look forward to seeing you both. And I'm thinking also a lot about compassion. The…

…thank you, Gabor. Thank you, dear friends, for joining today in a really unique journey with this extraordinary friend. Thank you, Joan and Ray. And by the way, Ray also said today that she looks forward to seeing you in Costa Rica as well. Yeah. Okay.…

…Thank you, dear friends, for joining today in a really unique journey with this extraordinary friend. Thank you, Joan and Ray. And by the way, Ray also said today that she looks forward to seeing you in Costa Rica as well. Yeah. Okay. Bye, everyone.

…dispensing wisdom that I don't follow myself. And that was the case. So I became quite stressed and my relationship with my wife, Ray, became very fraught. And she said, enough. Enough of this gap between who we are there in public and how you are in…

…moment, if I was her, what would I have observed? Well, first of all, and I talk about this in The Myth of Normal, and Ray, my wife, came on stage at the Troxy on Monday night and talked about this. I asked her to. Women have 80% of autoimmune…

…of dysfunction, certain things that trigger you, as we said earlier. But if both people are committed to the truth, which my wife Ray and I have been, that's one thing we can say about ourselves. For all the stuff that we've been through, ultimately the…

…I have somebody to come home to who will knock me off my pedestal pretty quickly, which is great. My relationship with Ray is woven throughout the book because it shows up in so many areas of parenting and male-female relationships. Why women get chronic…

…been an issue for me um so A number of things. One is I've been married 51 years now to a wonderful woman whose name is Ray. And in the middle of a spate of workaholism on my part, not that long ago, Ray said to me, listen, buddy, you've written a…

…now to a wonderful woman whose name is Ray. And in the middle of a spate of workaholism on my part, not that long ago, Ray said to me, listen, buddy, you've written a book called When the Body Says No. Now you better write one called When the Wife…

…This is who I think I am, you know, this guy who's got it. The plane runs, and I receive a text message from my wife, Ray, who was supposed to pick me up at the airport. She's saying, sorry, I haven't at home yet. Do you still want me to come? So…

…quickly back to who is the I that chose that. Well, who is the I that chose that is not lovable, is not important. Ray won't pick my dear friend Gabor up from the airport. What does he think? He's not important. He doesn't matter. That's a natural…

…I'm 71 years old. I'm a medical doctor. I'm a writer. I'm a speaker. I'm married to such and such. You know, my wife, Ray. This is a therapist. So I'm not like hallucinating. I know exactly who I am. But at the same time, I'm experiencing myself as…

…another but anyway he came out to vancouver from back east and we had sitting with lunch at my house, and my wife is there, and Ray, my wife, says to him, his name is Ulf, and Ray says, Ulf, what is it that you do? And Ulf says, oh, I work with…

…and we had sitting with lunch at my house, and my wife is there, and Ray, my wife, says to him, his name is Ulf, and Ray says, Ulf, what is it that you do? And Ulf says, oh, I work with this company, maybe you've heard about it, called IKEA. And…

…I have somebody to come home to who will knock me off my pedestal pretty quickly, which is great. My relationship with Ray is woven throughout the book because it shows up in so many areas of parenting and male-female relationships. Why women get chronic…